Supporting Children to Return to School: Gentle, practical ways to ease the transition back
The return to school can bring a mix of excitement, nerves, and big emotions for both children and parents. Even children who generally enjoy school can feel unsettled after the change in routine that holidays bring.
At Better Together Therapy, we often remind families that difficulty with separation or regulation at the start of the school year does not mean something is wrong. It means your child is adjusting. With the right support, most children settle more smoothly than we expect.
Below are practical, evidence informed strategies we regularly share with families and use in sessions.
Start with predictability
Children feel safest when they know what to expect. In the lead up to school returning, predictable routines help the nervous system prepare for change.
This might look like:
Gradually returning to school morning routines
Talking through what the school day looks like
Naming who will drop them off and pick them up
Keeping mornings calm and unhurried where possible
Predictability reduces uncertainty, which is often the biggest driver of anxiety.
Use short, consistent goodbye rituals
One of the most effective ways to support school transitions is through consistent goodbye rituals. These work because they are brief, predictable, and repeated daily.
Some rituals we often recommend include:
A simple three-step goodbye such as a hug, a high five, and a clear phrase like see you after story time
A small heart sticker or token kept in a pocket or bag as a reminder of connection
A familiar object such as a keyring or small item attached to their bag
Naming the feeling and the next step such as you are feeling nervous and your job is to go inside and find the blocks
Anchoring to the reunion by naming when you will return and what you will do together
The key is to choose one ritual and keep it the same. Long or changing goodbyes often increase distress rather than reduce it.
Support the body before separation
Regulation often starts in the body rather than through words. Simple physical inputs before school can help children feel more organised and ready to separate.
This might include:
A firm hug or squeeze before leaving
Wall pushes or chair pushes together
A slow deep breath taken together
These strategies support the nervous system and can make goodbyes feel more manageable.
Expect feelings and hold the boundary
Supporting your child does not mean removing all discomfort. Feeling nervous or upset at drop off is developmentally normal, especially after time away from school.
You can acknowledge feelings while still keeping the routine:
“This is a tricky moment and you can do tricky things. I will see you after school”
This approach builds emotional safety without reinforcing avoidance.
Consistency matters more than creativity
Parents often feel pressure to find the perfect words or strategy. In reality, children benefit far more from repetition than novelty. A calm, predictable approach used daily helps children trust the routine and settle more quickly over time.
When to seek extra support
It is normal for children to need time to adjust when returning to school. Many separation difficulties improve within the first two to three weeks as routines settle.
Additional support may be helpful if:
Distress remains high beyond a few weeks
Separations become more intense rather than easing
Your child is frequently unable to attend school or leave your side
Anxiety begins to affect sleep, appetite, or mood
Your child shows ongoing physical symptoms such as stomach aches or headaches linked to school
Early support can help prevent patterns from becoming more entrenched and support a smoother transition for both children and parents.
The return to school does not need to be perfect. It needs to feel safe, predictable, and supported. Small, consistent strategies often have the biggest impact.
If you would like support, the team at Better Together Therapy is here to help.
